Are you a good listener?
Steven Sample, in his book The Contrarian’s Guide to Leadership, writes, “The average person suffers from three delusions: that he is a good liver, that he has a good sense of humor, and that he is a good listener.”
Listening is not waiting patiently for someone to finish his statement, just to tell him that he is wrong on his views. Great leaders are able to suspend their judgment while listening to others ideas, as well as to accept new ways of doing things. Being a good listener is developing the ability to listen to, and understand any problems or worries your partner/customer/direct reports/stakeholders have. Listening is key to develop your leadership skills.
Being a great communicator is, in my opinion, the fundamental key trait in becoming a good leader, but, I would say almost secondary when compared to the importance of being able to listen. Here are some pitfalls you can avoid in order to improve your listening skills.
• Avoiding eye contact and not looking at the person speaking to you or who you are speaking to. If you don’t make eye contact, the speaker feels like he does not have your full attention.
• Not asking questions. This shows you’re not interested and that you’re not hearing what he or she is saying.
• Interrupting. When you interrupt, the speaker feels you’re not valuing what he or she is saying and will be frustrated by the inability to finish a complete thought.
• It is a great opportunity for you to take the time to listen by relaxing and opening your ears, thoughts and mind.
• Changing the subject. This indicates that your mind is elsewhere. It shows you’re not concentrating on what’s being said at that moment, and this makes the speaker feel he or she is not important. It can also raise the impression that you’re avoiding the subject of the discussion because you do not feel comfortable with it.
• Not smiling does not help either. A smile is a simple gesture that makes everyone feel more comfortable and at ease. We need to remember that most people show some constraints while verbally expressing their points of view, smiling just creates a nicer, friendlier, smoother atmosphere.
• Avoid crossing your arms as this can be interpreted as a sign of being negative to the other person’s view.
• If you’re speaking with someone who’s sitting, you should sit too. Standing over someone may be interpreted as somehow ‘authoritative’ and could create the wrong impression.
